With Father?s Day in New Zealand quickly approaching, I thought it only fitting to write a blog to give Dad?s insight and advice on how to happily navigate fatherhood.? Tips to keep dad?s in the loop and away from the eight ball.
The key to being a fab dad is about ?offer and suggestion?. It?s about taking the initiative to help and making offers and suggestions so that ?mum? feels like you?re a team and she doesn?t have to ask/nag for your assistance. ?Offer ?time out? by saying things like ?why don?t I watch the baby/kids so you can?. have a nap, have some time to yourself, take a bath?.? ?It?s also about the WAY you say things. Aim for appreciation rather than observation: Saying ?You must be tired? is a million times better than saying ?You look tired?. Happily navigating fatherhood is as much about kid info as it is about ?mum management?! ?*I?ll use the term ?mum? to refer to partner/ wife/mom/
DON?TS for Dads:
- Get up early to go jogging, swimming or clatter about in the kitchen if sleep-deprived mum is still sleeping.
- Offer to go and get take-aways if it?s YOUR night to cook dinner! Save that for when it?s one of mum?s (many) cooking nights.
- Get offended if wife doesn?t want sex. It?s not you? it?s a personal space issue see my Sex or Snuggle blog for details.
- Say things like: ?Why is the house so messy? ?What do you do all day?? or anything remotely similar?
- Comment on mum?s lingering baby-weight (especially in front of friends).
- Expect sex before 4-6 weeks after baby?s birth.
- Rev the kids up when you walk through the door just before bedtime (see Jacqui?s Now Go To Bed blog)
Here are a few more tips and things to ?do?:
DO?s for Dads:
- Spend quality time cherishing baby/kids (as per pic by photographer Bridget Macfarlane)
- Write in the baby?s journal -mum (and child) will be eternally appreciative!
- Help with the ?morning madness? by making kid?s lunch, unloading dishwasher or get kid?s breakfast so mum can have a shower!
- Give mum flowers or a love note now and then
- Be yourself with the kids. Love them and love yourself -you?re doing a great job!
- Remind mum that you ?love? her and that she is doing a great job
- Take baby/kids ?away? to give mum some CFT (child-free time) and arrange for her to do the same for you.
- Make arrangements so that you can drop off or pick up kid(s) from child-care/school now and then.
- Figure out your own, your wife?s and your kids? ?Personality Type? so you can understand each other better.
- Help with the housework. A??domestic dad? is sexy and you?ll likely get more action.
- Know that you are LOVED, APPRECIATED and DESIRED. We mums are just too flustered to show you sometimes.
- Tell ?mum? if you?re stressed at work. Maybe just say ?my day was a 1? (out of 5) and talk about it when baby/kids in bed.
- Take baby/child on ?special outings? (one on one quality time) or even a weekend away!
- If you?re going away on business or working really long hours consider ordering some home-cooked meals or getting a subscription to Mama?s Little Helper.
- Arrange ?Date Nights? and keep the Love Alive! ?Check out my full list of ?Tips for Keeping the Love Alive? when juggling marriage and parenthood?on SkinnyScoop.
We?ve had some passionate comments on our If Only They?d Told Me facebook page
like this great one from Rebekah Green ?DO trust your own instincts as your baby?s daddy ? YOU have as much right to make decisions on your own about your baby?s needs as your partner does ? spend time alone with you baby (as above) to get to know them as the little person they are and you will gain in confidence as their dad.?
What are your ?Do?s and Don?ts for Dads??
We?ll be writing a follow-up ? Do?s and Don?t for Mums? so would love suggestions for that too!
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